he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
