I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
