you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
