they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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