i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
