are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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