hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
