it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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