Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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