those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
