Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Randomize
