I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
