i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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