yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
