There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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