a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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