My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
