After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
