just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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