i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
