this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
