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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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