Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
