I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
