I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
