When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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