Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
