Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
