It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
