I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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