Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Boobs are out for the taking
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
