i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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