Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
