That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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