i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize