Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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