I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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