the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
