so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
