and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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