The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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