in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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