she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
