Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
