shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
