when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
