I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
