She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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