Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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