At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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