Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I supernannyed him into submission
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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