Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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