is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
