There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
