I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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