he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
