it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
