im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
