i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize