You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
