Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
