don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Found the puke drawer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
