just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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