he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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