He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
