We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
