y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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