Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
