she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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