absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
