dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
