I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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