dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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