Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
