i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
