OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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