I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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