her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
