i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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