She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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