when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
