Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
