I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
