just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
