in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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