i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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