I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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