I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
