Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
