When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
