Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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